Holiday Gift Giving based on Erickson Psychological Stages

My freshman son is taking psychology and has just completed a paper on Erik Erikson's Eight psychosocial stages (he only had to do the first five, which takes you up to the teenage years). I believe that you can also extend similar theories to holiday gift giving for children. I am not basing this on any part of his theory, just borrowing his age ranges. :-)

Stage One is the first year of life, which I am renaming "the bulky plastic phase." Almost all toys in this age range are made of large, colorful, soft materials and baby's first Xmas is way over the top! More toys are probably received in this phase than ever again, and subsequent siblings benefit from the hand-me-downs. Unfortunately, these siblings end up receiving less on their first Christmas in following years due to the bulk loaded up under the tree. This will have major impact on their psychosocial outcomes. However, I have no idea what that would be and it's not my problem, is it?

Phase II spans from age two to three. This phase I will refer to as the "hell on wheels phase." In addition to excessive gift giving of toys, now the child will also be receiving his first candy & cookie treats, adding to the chaos and mayhem of the holiday celebrations. Educational toys are thrown aside for those that fly, roll, and create large ruts in the hardwood floor. If parents refuse to buy anything but books and educational toys, children are left damaged and unable to progress to the next stage. Eh-hem, I just totally made that up.

Ah, phase three. Now the fun begins, during ages 4 - 5. Jealousy has set in, and frequently a child (and you know who you are) will arise during the wee hours of the morning to open each and every single wrapped present under the tree. "I can't read yet," being the obvious excuse. Being forced to re-wrap the presents is not really consequence enough to stop a repeat the following year. This phase I will call "are there any more presents for me?" followed by a tantrum.

Phase four for children age 6 through 11, I will refer to as the 'smash and grab' stage. Toys are rapidly opened, stockings are dumped, and the child becomes immersed in play, returning at some point during the day to load up on sweets and again, return to play. Parents are left in bliss to clean up the mess, make a huge holiday dinner, until the fighting ultimately breaks out. Up to this point, numerous toys are desired and selection is diverse. At the end of this phase, parents start to have a little more difficulty on pleasing their child, as "Barbie is for babies" and "Pokemon is for little kids". Besides, older siblings and friends with older siblings are already playing "M" (for mature) games on their systems. How, pray tell, can a parent compete with that?????!!!!

I am sad to say that all three of my children are now in Phase Five, which will take them from middle school up to the late teens, when hopefully they will be merrily jaunting off to college and returning for the sweet reunion of family. I am inclined to call this the 'absentee phase,' as the child is just not mentally or emotionally 'there.' They can't be bothered to even write a wish list. I don't know about the girls, but the boys just want more video games to add to their massive current collection. I find that a bit depressing. This is a time when parents turn to gag gifts to spice things up a bit. Or, they end up spending outrageous sums of money to please their depressed and bored child, if they are in a position to do so. Nothing works, so why bother? Time to just relax and order online, that's what I say.

Thank you, Spilsbury.com and Lillian Vernon. Everyone is getting monogrammed underwear, sonic toothbrushes, and hair dryers. Mommy, on the other hand, is rapidly approaching phase 8, so she gets whatever she damn pleases, including more pilates lessons and a nice new super-automatic espresso maker, which will leave her even more agitated during the holiday season!

In the very words of my own dear mother, "Merry Christmas, goddammit!"